As you jump into your workout, pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, you are definitely on the right track—you are taking care of yourself, your body. This is an excellent step in becoming ready for love. As a certified matchmaker and love coach, I constantly hear the laundry list of what people want in a partner. More often than not, the list includes someone who takes care of himself or herself inside and out, is attractive, emotionally secure, thoughtful and interesting. After hearing their list, I ask “What have you done or are doing to be the best lover and partner you can be?” If you are lucky enough to find your most perfect partner, will you be prepared to be their most perfect partner in return?
The following are three vital secrets I begin with as I work with my clients to help them find and maintain a juicy, thriving relationship.
Fill up your inner joy.
Think of yourself as a rechargeable battery. When you are out of juice it is your responsibility to plug yourself into things that make you feel refreshed and renew your inner energy. Our society and ingrained belief systems often make us feel guilty when we choose to put ourselves first. If you don’t put yourself first, you won’t have the inner surplus and inner love to deeply connect with others. Think of a time when you were feeling totally happy and radiant. What was your body posture like? What was your mind state? When you are fully nourished, you are more self-confident. This is sexy. People are attracted to and want to be around people who know how to make themselves happy.
What makes you feel fabulous, stunning, creative, delicious? Beyond exercising, is it going to the beach, playing with your dog, doing something creative like painting? What about going on a hike or listening to music? I want you to brainstorm on a list of things that really fill you up. Having them written down they will become an excellent reference for those times when you might be down and your creative mind is blocked. Use these activities and create rituals; then schedule meetings with yourself to take care of yourself. Literally, block that time out on your calendar and don’t cancel or postpone. Make yourself a priority.
By filling yourself up, you come to the relationship not expecting your partner to fill you up. Being at least 80% of the way to total happiness gives your partner the ability to be the whipped cream on the top. On the flip side, when gauging whether or not someone is going to be an excellent match for the long run, determine if they are expecting you to fulfill something that is missing in their lives. If yes, sort fast and move on… a relationship should never be a fix-it project. Plus, even if you could make someone happy or fix them, have you noticed they never really stay happy or fixed for long?